When this dense reality is exerting pressure on me, I feel the need to be expressive and the more I am bothered by this density the looser the strokes are, the bolder the colors are.there is a power and a dynamic in the painting process that is fueled by this struggle, It is like a mania, the inner critic is being ignored in moments like that, it is about getting it out. It feels like screaming when I paint in a state like that. Layer upon layer I work through whatever it is that is putting pressure on me until there is some relief.
Then there is creativity in the times of harmony, when I experience a oneness with nature and my surroundings, and my soul is begging me to put the joy and the bliss on paper or canvas. Nature is asking me to capture its playfulness and abundance. The flow of creativity is a different one in this state of being, it is a constant stream of beautiful images presenting themselves to me, the connection between my hand holding the brush and my heart is direct and it feels like meditation.
Being creative is like soul searching, the analytical mind is shut off, all I can think of is what the next layer should be. I never plan my paintings and often change the story according to what I am feeling right there and then. I still have trouble going back into a painting after some time, because I feel my paintings are snapshots of my soul at that moment.